It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
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