Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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