My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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