Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
