so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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