Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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