we have pet lesbian snakes
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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