They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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