i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
