I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
