accomplished twins. life is a go
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Boobs are out for the taking
the liver wants what the liver wants
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
