the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
