So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
