I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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