im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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