How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
