i may or may not be watching the land before time
I need to stop coming to work sober
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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