I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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