my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
