I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
