did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
