In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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