My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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