My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
