i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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