I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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