Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
