i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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