I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
