He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
