i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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