A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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