Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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