He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
