Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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