okay pat passed out under dana's car
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
