New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
