I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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