i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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