There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
