currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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