I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
