There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
