we made out on top of his cat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
