He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Randomize
