Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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