I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I should be sponsored by Trojan
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Randomize