The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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