needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
