FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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