Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
