Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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