I'm going to jail i love you
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
