I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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