Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
