If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Found your dick twin last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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