My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
FUCK WHALES
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