You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
