she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
