I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
