Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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