hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize