Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
