You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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